Savour Life's Joys
When it comes to happiness, frequency beats intensity
Revisit Life’s “Greatest Hits”...
Like many people, I tend to favour new stuff. Why drink a beer I’ve already tried? Visit a place I’ve already explored? Read a book I’ve already finished? Seems like a waste when there are so many new things to try. (The exception is music, research shows that the music we were listening to as teenagers makes us happiest, and it’s true that those tunes remain on heavy rotation for me.)
But I’ve started to change my attitude. Lately, I’ve been re-brewing my favourite beers. Re-reading my favourite books like Grit by Angela Duckworth and Great North Road by Peter F. Hamilton. Re-watching my favourite movies, like Aliens and Terminator 2. Re-walking my favourite tramping tracks. Re-playing my favourite board games.
Revisiting life’s greatest hits can be surprisingly relaxing. Once you stop chasing after the new and accept that you’ll never experience even 1% of the world’s most beautiful places or read 0.01% of its books, it becomes easier to simply enjoy where you are.
..While Embracing New Experiences
According to psychologist Brent W. Roberts, who studies personality development, as we reach middle age, we “grow more consistent and cautious and less curious, open-minded, and inventive.”
Ugh. Sounds boring. Let’s not be old men yet. Let’s be less cautious and more curious.
Personally, I stumbled across a fun idea called the Life Deck that helped expand my horizons (unfortunately I don’t think it’s for sale any more). It is a deck of 151 cards, grouped under categories like Education, Well-being, Communication and Myself, each with a different challenge. The idea is that you grab a card at random, and you have to complete the challenge on the card as soon as you can, and before you draw a new one. Thanks to the Deck, I baked a delicious bolo de laranja, had an unexpectedly naked sauna on a Monday afternoon with strangers, tried cold therapy, learned a poem by heart, and donated blood, amongst many other “firsts”.
Trying new things not only stretches us but also stretches time. Or put a different way, the lack of day-to-day novelty is why we feel like time goes faster as we age. So embrace new experiences. Try new hobbies. Push yourself to try Life Deck-style challenges.
Aim for Frequent, Daily Bursts of Joy...
“Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom to a man in the course of his life.” - Benjamin Franklin
When it comes to happiness, frequency beats intensity.
And one way to increase your frequency is to write a “100 Things That Give Me Joy” list and sprinkle some of these simple pleasures throughout your day. My list has 73 so far, things like watching New Zealand play rugby or league or netball or cricket when it’s close and I'm yelling at the TV and we win. Talking shit with friends - long-winded, nonsensical, silly, witty one upmanship. Ready salted thick-cut chips with onion dip. Holding Stanley's hand. You get the idea. What would make your top 100?
...and Always Have Something to Look Forward to
I always make sure to have something exciting on the horizon to look forward to, bigger than the daily bursts of joy. Doing this has a twofold benefit, not only do you get the dopamine hit when you do the exciting thing, you also release dopamine when you anticipate the exciting thing.
The big things I look forward to usually fall into three categories:
Weekend-long adventures with friends, like WOMAD or Pearl Jam concerts or my once-a-year boys’ weekend with Matt and Stu in Kinloch or Wellington.
Trips into the New Zealand wilderness, which never fail to recharge my batteries. These trips almost always inspire a sense of awe—“the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your understanding of the world”—which scientists say is critical to our well-being, just like joy, contentment, and love. In fact, I’m heading into the bush tomorrow!
Overseas travel. I try and aim for three weeks overseas travel a year, mostly to slightly intrepid destinations (2023: Guatemala, 2024: Ecuador, 2025: Corsica). Travelling is wonderful for many reasons, it simultaneously expands my horizons thanks to experiencing different cultures and environments, and reminds me of what’s truly great about my life and where I call home.
P.S. For those interested in a bit more detail on my back story, especially the business exists, I was recently interviewed by Josh Comrie on his 2 Comma’s podcast: YouTube, Apple, Spotify.