Pursue Hospitality
Strengthen Social Connections - Part 2
Practising hospitality is a powerful way to strengthen social connections. Inviting others into your space and breaking bread together creates an opportunity to connect on a deeper level, which you don't get when meeting at a crowded restaurant or bar.
Even the Bible encourages us to "practice hospitality" (Romans 12:13). In fact, if you dig into the original Greek, the word used for “practice” is Diokontes (dee-o’-ko) is more accurately translated as “pursue" or "press forward." In other words, hospitality isn’t something you practise—it’s something you pursue. I like that.
Here’s what I do to pursue hospitality.
Host Potlucks
It seems to me that everyone wants to do more social activities, but no one wants to organise them. It’s a weird disconnect—it’s not that much work, especially if it’s a potluck. So take the lead. Set a goal to invite friends for drinks or dinner once a month. Do it. Be the instigator.
Host Larger, Annual Events
I also host larger annual events in addition to potlucks. What makes the events special is that they bring the same group of people together year after year. It’s fun to introduce friends and see them reconnect. I’ve come to really enjoy hosting these events, and I typically organise four each year:
My birthday (May). Because why not? Don’t just celebrate the milestone birthdays that end in a 0 or a 5, use any birthday as an excuse to bring together your favourite people. My birthday fell on a Monday a couple of years ago, so I thought, “Screw it, I’ll invite people anyway,” expecting no one to turn up. It turns out that people don’t have much to do on a Monday night because everyone turned up. I felt a bit rough on the Tuesday morning.
My birthday in 2021
An “8 Toasts” dinner party (June). I host an annual 8-person dinner (the number of people who can comfortably fit around my dinner table) where each guest shares a personal story or experience from their own life and offers a toast based on a theme like "borders," "risk," “generosity,” or "faith." The stories are poignant, whimsical, funny and often surprising (my good friend Jimmy said that he had never heard his wife’s story before, despite over 20 years of marriage). These dinners were inspired by The Art of Gathering, a fun, action-oriented book that encourages a more intentional approach to hosting.
A Poetry Soirée (August/September). The concept is simple: bring a poem—yours or someone else’s—read it aloud, and drink red wine. When I first proposed this, I thought I’d get a few cocked eyebrows, but I was way wrong - my friends were all super into it. It’s so popular that we now do it every year. At 4th version last year three people cried, either reading or responding to poems. Two people even sang, one in Norwegian and one in Swedish. There was a lot of laughter and day drinking. And no, Ruth, Rodney Rude still doesn’t count as a poet.
Blind Beer Tasting (December). For the past five years, I’ve hosted a beer tasting with increasingly ridiculous rules—wacky drink penalties for arriving late, wearing hats, the ringing of bells, impossible quizzes, that kind of thing. What’s great about this event is that I have several co-conspirators, so hosting an event for 30-odd people is a lot less stressful now the workload is shared.
Blind Beer Tasting, December 2022
Note to self: I like the conservations at the end of parties the best. Lots of people have left, and the few that remains are unhurried. There’s more laughter. Less “do you need me to find a plate for that?” party-hosting admin.
Teach the Kids the Art of Hosting
I get the kids involved with the hosting too—greeting guests, getting drinks, baking cakes—they love it. Sometimes they MC the poetry soirée, and they used to design elaborate, hand-drawn menus too.
(I try to say “yes” when the kids invite their mates over after school or for a sleepover, because that’s a form of hospitality too.)
Embrace Low-key and Spontaneous Catch-ups
Of course, it doesn't have to be “high stakes,” there are lots of low-stress, low-effort ways to hang out, like inviting mates over while you garden. I have fond memories of casually dropping by friends’ flats at uni unannounced—sometimes staying for 10 minutes, sometimes for 10 hours. That kind of spontaneity is rare these days, now that we all seem to plan everything weeks in advance (I’m guilty of this too). Well, except for Phil—he’ll only give me a 10-minute heads-up that he’s popping over, despite living six hours’ drive away…
Say “Yes” to Social Invitations
The next time you aren’t sure if you feel like going out, default to ‘yes’. You’ll rarely regret it. Plus, there’s evidence that both introverts and extroverts benefit from being pushed to be more extroverted.
Also, someone else is organising! You want to reward that kind of audacity.